The last few blogs have been pretty serious writer stuff, so as I’m taking a break I thought my blog could as well. A few weeks ago I listed 25 things I’ve learnt from science fiction so I think it’s only fair we look at science fantasy. Anyway, here we go, 25 things I’ve learnt from Science Fantasy
1) If you are really, really, stuck in a totally impossible to get out of / completely life threatening situation you might just find you have an, until then, undiscovered magic power that gets you out of it. How neat is that!
2) Magic can only be used in dire, extreme circumstances and not because you’re bored, or down the pub with your mates for a bit of a laugh, or to impress a girl.
3) The world should be stuck in the middle-ages – everyone knows that. But why?
4) Anyone with a really long beard must be a magician (a pointy hat is also usually present).
5) You can’t go on a quest without: A nerdy, non-sporty, useless in a fight (at least to start with), one, who is the ring/sword/piece of paper/piece of toast/hat bearer and only they are allowed to hold it; the nerdy one’s slightly moronic but devoted friend; a beardy one (magician, with hat); a morose knight; a reckless knight; a weird moody one who is really a king; a dwarf or two; an elf (who everyone secretly wants to be because he’s just so cool).
6) The trees can literally have ears. Sometimes arms and legs as well.
7) Anyone who actually wants to be King shouldn’t be.
8) Being born of humble background is no barrier to becoming a King or Queen (good or evil is up to you).
9) As with science fiction – being a psychopathic, homicidal maniac is not always a bad thing.
10) Being an assassin can be a career choice.
11) Swords are the must have accessory.
12) A Sword also must have a name like ‘Dragon slayer’ (with apologies to 15) below) or ‘Bone Crusher’ or ‘The Equaliser’ (or was that Wyatt Urp’s pistol?). Anyway, it also helps if it was forged in a volcano and comes with ‘runes’.
13) Sewers can be a desirable residence.
14) Orang-utans love books and ‘ook’ can mean anything you want it to.
15) Dragons! Everyone loves dragons. Except of course for those occasionally eaten by them. But then again everyone else seems to accept that as just ‘one of those things’.
16) Death is not necessarily the end of it.
17) Hoodies are not a recent invention.
18) Nasty creatures tend to live underground. Well they would wouldn’t they.
19) Wolves make good pets.
20) If you were at a party with elves, they would be the tall ones in bow ties, talking philosophy, complaining about the wine and asking who all these other ‘common’ people were. The exception being the cool good looking one (see 5) above).
21) Watch out for the little kid in glasses.
22) Everyone wants to live in a castle and they’re all very old, the castles that is. Why are there no new, ‘designer’ castles?
23) No-one ever seems to complain about the smell, which when you think about it must be awful.
24) Living as another animals can be life choice. I fancy being a Dolphin for a while.
25) Hunting wild, rare, exotic and endangered species seems to be acceptable. But beware they may not like it and may fight back.
Got your own favourites? – let me know.
Ian Martyn
